There's a girl that I would like to care. She's one of the most pure-hearted person that I've ever met. Beautiful, kind, caring, humble, intelligent, sincere, thoughtful, you name it.
Somehow when I get to know her more, I see a little piece of my reflection. I have a tough time in socializing.. Some people can always find endless topics and jokes to chat or laugh about, but I can't. I actually have a mild phobia of chatting with friends through phone, because there's always that awkward silence.. Or going out with just one person, because they might get bored with me.
Another thing is how to care about my friends. What's the limit to caring someone? If I care too much, they might get irritated. To have a best friend is not easy, and I do not have one. Though I have a few friends whom we didn't contact for very long but we know we cherish each other dearly. I'm really grateful for that.
I always self blame a lot and do not open myself up to others. I would feel vulnerable if they know too much about me. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't share it to anyone, I'm just waiting.. Waiting for that special friend I guess. If I get to meet her one day I would probably cry my heart out and tell her everything single thing about me lol, or maybe I've met her already?
I don't know what's the point of writing this. Haha.
Good night.
The point of you writing it out is to express yourself and also to find someone that can identify with you that kind of desperation to learn to social with people ^^ I too experience the same problem and just like you, unable to sustain long conversation and have mild phobia towards phone call,for me is more for skype call XD haha...But I think, it is not entirely bad to just listen to conversation and be a listener =) Maybe sometimes we don't know what to share with other and how well other would accept our sharing huh >.O
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