Alecia

Oh crap, here we go again..

And bam! It hits her. Turmoils of emotions - anxiety, fear, anger, dismal, dejection, grief, came together all at once.

Alecia sat in the middle of the room in a near fetal position, hugging her legs with head resting on her knees. She waited for the usual signs; intense pain rhythmically rippled out from the heart and expanded throughout the whole body, numbing the tips of the fingers and feet; blood pumping hastily to the veins and capillaries with each rapid heart beat; and it seems like the lungs just can't get enough oxygen even when she's painstakingly trying to inhale.

 I'm going to die.  

She pictured herself falling into the bottomless pit. Just falling, falling. 

There's nothing I can do to get myself out of here. No one can ever find me. No one cares anyway. Nothing cures, nothing helps. I deserve it. What comes around, goes around. Why do I always have to learn things the hard way? 

Alecia pondered on the notion of whether to jump off a cliff, or going downstairs to search for a knife to cut her wrist, or to go outside now and get hit by a car. Suicide, she thought. Seems to be a valid option to quickly end this chaos at the moment.

Dammit Alecia, you've gone through this for so many times yet you're still mourning over things that can never be undone! Grow up! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? The worse thing than the end of the world IS the end of the world. I have great friends whom I trust my life with. And I have a God - yeah an awesome God, who is always ready to catch me when I fall. So why the hell am I sitting here and self pitying? Suck it up, Alecia. You can do so much better than this.

Breathe in, breathe out.

I'll be okay. It's not the end of the world yet.

Breathe in, breathe out. Get up.

I will be okay. No worries.